Hi y'all,

What am I doing here? Well, I woke up a little while ago after 6 hours sleep (happening too often) and having dreamed of the Palace of Peace did a spot of "googling" and now I'm here.

Got Knowledge around 72(ish) (if anyone replies to me you'll find I'm a bit vague with dates ...)

Yes - I still consider myself to be a practising premie, even if it seems I'm a member of a dieing race.

For me there's never been too much of a problem with Knowledge. My one decent "wobble" came after reading the Bob Mischler account on some anti-premie website. For a few months after I found myself unable to concentrate when watching videos of Maharaji as I was remembering BM's words in my head and thinking "can what BM says be true?" Eventually I agreed (with myself!) that it didn't matter WHAT people say Maharaji has done, why they say he did it etc. The old rules still apply - listen and watch and find yourself tuned in to an experience inside that brings peace love and understanding. What's so funny about peace love and understanding?

I wouldn't DREAM of reading any more from the anti-premie websites, but this one seems to have genuine posts from people who have been touched deeply by Maharaji, some of them very upset, but at least (mostly) writing "from the heart", not just premie-bashing ...

So many people, some of them dear friends of mine, some of them who have even been quite close to Maharaji have thrown in the towel. I find this rather distressing, and rather puzzling.

Sure Maharaji's been surrounded by some pretty weird people! I had the dubious experience of working with a few gangsters doing "service" in the early days, and came to realise that M tends to accept anyone that approaches him. And as far as service honchos go the same still seems to be true. Certainly my closest ex-premie friend seems to have "left" because of her experiences at the hands of unfeeling premies who dissed her genuine efforts while doing "service". Though I don't understand why she blames Maharaji for that. Since "the beginning" Maharaji speaks and people immediately grab a hold of the words and twist the meaning to suit, when, for the most part those words were only uttered to offer folk a way to go inside.

Those early days in the 70's eh!! The AMAZING stuff that used to go on at the Palace of Peace! Yes, I've jumbled, worked at the Camberwell "factory", partaken of those dreadful date slices they'd flog at the "So Hungry" cafe upstairs at the Palace, sung devotional songs on tube trains, dropped acid and gone to satsang, fallen in love with so many premies of all cultures and genders, cried my heart out on the P of P steps ...

And as time went on I started to realise it wasn't about all that.

I was kind of scared when I went for my Knowledge session. I'd waited 3 months, longer than all the other members of my household, and eventually been selected by Krisna Suchanand. (Now Madhu, but that's another story). I was coming down off acid when I had my pre-knowledge interview with Mahatma Ji. I kind of expected the thunder and lightening scenario, and it wasn't! In hindsight I DID experience Knowledge there, but it wasn't until after the session, getting stoned on the premie bus outside, and then bopping the evening away to Salutations that I started to realise that I may have been shown something rather precious.

Sure the techniques are well documented in various places, but I know that without guidance I would never have experienced anything much in them.

Who is Guru Maharaji? Is/was he God? I remember thinking he might be when I attended my first darshan. In my eyes I'd just disobeyed agya, and went through in fear and trembling. I must have looked pretty funny, cos Maharaji LAUGHED at me, then gave me the "Holy Breath" and I floated out, completely blissed out!

I don't really CARE who he is! I had another guru for a short while before I heard of Maharaji, and I just know that he's way cooler than I am, and can offer me inspiration beyond my comprehension. Are there more like him around? Dunno. Don't feel the need to look.

Has knowledge been a cure-all for me? Absolutely not. I'm getting older and less healthy these days, and in need of some physical healing. Not what Maharaji offers.

I'm still not 100% sure why I'm writing all this. Partly for myself to express something I rarely bring myself to express. If I've got some advice to offer it's just this:- don't accept anything anyone ever tells you about Maharaji! The organisation has ALWAYS been run by idiots! (With the greatest of apologies to any honchos reading this - I don't mean to cause offence, but SO MUCH has been told in Maharaji's name that is patently bull****!)

With love

John B