I didn’t mean to stir such a discussion about the way people are being welcomed into this site. The fact that I had a position with EV was mainly some kind of a self-serving statement.

 In any case – writing my memoires is still difficult as it comes in big waves.

I’ve been around since the seventies, did the regular itinerary: ashram member, community servant, money giver, Amaroo traveler, darshan lover, sat & sang listener, and the rest of the show.

 What started the avalanche was seeing among the regular residence guests, big managers and staff members some people I knew had severe drinking problems, were incompetent and dishonest. Their only virtue was that they either had lots of money to give or they held first-hand information about the family or the financial arrangements, and the only way to control them was to keep them close to him.

 Naturally, it wasn’t enough to make me leave. But from that moment I started, sub-consciously, to “collect evidence” of discrepancies, logical gaps, and contradictions.

One of the greatest paradoxes was that when he finally tried to establish himself as a motivational speaker rather than the Lord, a new set of issues had to be resolved. As such there was no difference between him and a zillion other motivational speakers. He had no added-value anymore. His reduced status was not so appealing anymore as the previous divine role. In the spiritual market there are many options, many products, and a regular peace-loving teacher is of no attraction. And so, the only people who could buy into this new scenario were oldies, like me, who recited the “motivational speaker” party-line while mutely believing that in fact he is still the lord, temporarily unable to disclose his real identity to the world.

 When enough evidence was collected – the tower collapsed.

Now I am facing my “ground zero”, trying to put some order in all those lost years, still amazed how 3 decades were reduced to one lucid moment. I still don’t know what comes after.