Joe: I have a theory that premies and ex-premies are easily intimidated because on some level there is residual belief that Rawat will come and get you like the big, boogey man some day, and you deserve whatever you get because you turned your back on "the love'. It's not rational, but it's there, because we were all indoctrinated as premies that Rawat is all-powerful, all-knowing, and beyond judgment and we are not allowed to be independent human beings in his world.

Funny you should write that Joe. I think it has something to do with the powerful primitive nature of our own subconsciousnesses. The first week I exited was the worst., I felt as though I was pitched into a huge void, where my belief system once was. I had a choice and I decided that I would fill that void with me rather than anything else, because it was apparent to me that I could easily replace the Rawat worship with some equally stupid religious belief. I watched myself go through this, one thing I found difficult to deal with was a huge bogeyman of fear, as you say, the result of subconscious primitive response to breaking a belief system.

I think I was lucky because I was conscious on that level, what I did, almost certainly subconsciously, is the very next day when I went out into the surf, some dickhead drove his surfboard áccidentally'into my head and split it open. Usually I would not be vulnerable to surf idiots, however I think because I was in a weakened state from the primitive impulse to fear for breaking my own code of belief, I somehow invited that áccident'.

It was a really big lesson to have 20 stitches in my head, and to realise the surfboard had missed my temple by centimetres.

So I guess I forced myself to deal with the bogeyman in a hurry.

The lesson for me was to treat my subconscious like a wild uncontrollable beast, with great caution and extreme intelligence.

I really respect your opinions and your integrity.

best

Nya