Something else I have been thinking about since yesterday (and as I sit here and eat a sesame braised tofu sandwich for lunch (I know, too much information)),  is this whole subject of aplogizng for wrongdoings, forgiveness and the like.   And on this forum over the years I have read a number of discussions about how to really heal from what happened in the cult, you need to forgive the perpetrators, almost like it is your "duty" to forgive.  I always get really uncomfortable when I hear that.

So many survivors of abuse seem to believe that their experience of abuse confers on them the obligation for forgive those who hurt them.  But I don't personally see how a victim can have any obligations toward the perpetrator, beyond that of not succumbing to vengefulness.

I also believe there is something psychologically unrealistic about the concept of forgiveness as a respnsbility, because genuine forgiveness is not just something from the will, you have to be really ready to do it.  And this is especially true when the perpetrator doesn't even acknolwedge the injury caused.

I say this because I don't think you can genuinely forgive a wrong until you first face clearly, that a wrong was done.  Many of us believe Prem Rawat comitted a wrong against us, ripped us off materially, emotionally and spiritually.  And the point is, we didn't deserve it, and there is no excuse for it. Period. End of story.  This is true whether you think Prem Rawat is an ordinary human being pretending to be God, a human being who really believed through his screwed up life that he was God, or something in the middle, depending on what period of time you are talking about.

I don't think it makes any sense to nurse a grudge for the rest of your life, because that's a painful place to live.  But most people who have been victims of abuse are pretty hard on themselves and it's important to remember that.  I don't know if John falls into that category, but I guess I would say to anyone, that if you want to be more forgiving, start with yourself.  You may have been injured and hurt as a result of Rawat's cult, but demanding of yourself to forgive before you are ready to because of some obligation is, in my opinion, showing the same uncarring attitude to ourselves that Prem Rawat showed us. 

So, I'm not sure where this is going except to say that we are not made of stone.  We are sensitive, vulnerable human beings who can get hurt, and I just think it's important to forgive and accept ourselves for that.