Hi Wolfie,

It's nice to see you here.

You're right, nothing is as bad a child abuse, in my opinion.  I was referencing child abuse with forgiveness because the issue of forgiveness does come up so often with adult survivors of abuse.

Everybody is different.  Some premies have never spoken to Maharaji and still feel as if they know him intimately and that he knows them.  Others, like you, have a better perspective on it.  I wish I had been more like you.  I wish I hadn't internalized Maharaji so much, but I thought that's what he was asking me to do.   To go inside and be with Maharaji. Pray to Maharaji.  Beg Maharaji for help.  Surrender your mind to Maharaji.  Give your life to Maharaji.  I know when Maharaji said these things to us when we were so young and impressionable, that he wasn't talking about his father.  I do get mad when Elan Vital and Maharaji try to tell outsiders that we early premies misunderstood that.  It's just not true and Maharaji knows it.

I've observed people who have tried to leave Maharaji behind and they have such a wide range of feelings.  No one can ever know what's going on inside another person. 

One feeling that I've felt myself and it's something that other ex-premies have expressed is a huge loss of time spent following Maharaji.  I don't feel that way anymore, but I did.  That loss can cause so much sadness and grief.  I guess it's safe to say that it's important for people to be patient with themselves when they leave, and to ask for support if they want any. 

I guess the bottom line is that everyone is entitled to how they feel.  I also think it's important for people to be able to express their anger at Maharaji without being labeled a hater.  That's not fair at all.

Be well,

Cynthia