As Anna says Joe ,you have a a nice clear way of expressing your ideas.However I really do not relate to your second paragraph.

"The main reason I felt embarrassed was that I saw how arrogant I was.  How I was "in your face" to them about how devoted I was, how I had surrendered to the lotus feet of Maharaji and how wonderful it was.  So, while acting humble and devoted, I was displaying rank arrogance and spiritual ego.  I still see that in premies now.  It is the most repulsive thing I find in some premies, who still have the spiritual ego of having "it" and having something almost nobody else does.  It's incredible delusion, but they think they are just so fucking special.  Makes me want to vomit."

It is obviously true for you, and many other F8 contributors have expressed similar feelings.I don't think I was arrogant and I didn't see other premies as arrogant ( for the most part). I really didn't experience any of that the way you did.What is "humility"? What is the difference between being humble and "acting" (ie. pretending to be) humble....it's not always clear or deliberate.Sometimes I wished I hadn't been plucked into the palm of the lord's hand....being "special" was such a f****** burden and expensive too.That's what I thought.

I was definitely deluded but I believed the delusion at the time as did my " brothers" and " sisters". It is for this reason that I don't consider I lied either...because I believed the lies. Heh heh,what a conundrum!