Joe, your posts are always so well written and grounded in reality. I want to comment on one aspect of what you wrote, namely the premies' destructive capacity towards ex- or anti-premies.

Some of my fear is self-inflicted, and please don't attack me for trying to be honest. Sometimes this feeling enters my conscience: when contributing actively to this forum, a fear creeps into me that something bad will happen to me. Sort of like Rawat will punish me for being a Rawat adversary.

It's totally irrational and stupid. I never even believed in Rawat! I was raised by liberal Jewish parents! But, somehow, the thought of Rawat the monster leaks into my brain, probably indirectly from what my wife, who is an active premie, taught me.

Prior to getting married, my wife told me about her involvement, which did not phase me into thinking it was a cult. She kept framed pictures of Maharaji in her room. Nada. Her keychain has a picture of Rawat's mug on one side and a picture of his big toe on the other. Nothing registered!

But, stupid me went along thinking she was practicing a normal, innocuous, albeit secretive, meditation technique every day. Before stumbling upon EPO, I attended weekly, local satellite broadcasts regularly. I watched tons of videos. And I attended two Miami events in 2002 and 2003. How incredibly naive! Stupidly, I even played videos for my parents to watch. Interestingly, my dad immediately pegged Rawat for being a brainwasher. My mom fell soundly asleep.

Here is the deal, according to my wife: the way she explains it to me, ex-premies did something wrong to become banished from Maharaji, like stopping practicing or harboring bad thoughts (!). It's absurd, but she believes that ex-premies cause their own suffering. When I ask her about the scandals, like Jagdeo, she explains it away as something not within Rawat's control or scope. It's the standard party line.

When asked how will Maharaji deal with me, she basically tells me I'm going to hell. It's just like the Seinfeld episode where Putty tells Elaine her soul is bound for eternal damnation!

She also thinks that Rawat has some kind of power to take revenge on people, which subconsciously plays into my inner fears. Still though, I cannot get myself to try to practice knowledge on my own from the techniques published on EPO.  It's a kind of tickly, scary feeling, that, again, is not based in reality. When trying it, it feels weird, like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump or my head will explode.

The funny thing is that I never became a premie, and still harbor a kind of fear towards premies. The scariest part for my limited involvement, was at Miami events in 2002 and 2003, right before Rawat came on stage. It felt like everyone around me, everyone in the auditorium was jonesing for a bit of Rawat's ecstacy, and there might not be enough to go 'round. You could carve the tension in the air with a knife. My fear was that, all at once, everyone in the auditorium was going to turn around and point at me for being an ex. If ever an ex-premie was about to get tied up for slaughter, it was right at that moment.

Today, I came out swinging in defense of MacGregor, because, between the lines of  his apology was a shared, sneaky feeling: a kind of suppression, like a fear of being powerless against Rawat. That, no matter how hard I fight or argue about it, Rawat's omnipotence will punish me. Again, do I feel this way? Sometimes, very briefly. But do I really believe it? NO! It's irrational and illogical, but nonetheless, the thought is there, sometimes. Luckily my doubt-maker kicks in, and then everything's fine.

But, back to your post, Joe. Premies actually fear ex-premies, because, according to my wife, they don't want to be banished from Rawat's magical garden. Most of today's "normal" premies would not want to harm any ex-premies. Rather, premies are content to pity the ex-premies, and let their Lord Maharaji exact his revenge. Scary, but again, nothing to fear, as long as one doesn't believe in it.