Hearing from a legendary poster like Lp and getting such a kind and wonderful compliment from a legendary poster like you in the same week is an emotional overload. Except for Flying Solo (which is a crock because we're always squabbling over the flight controls!), I can't think of one single thing that's helped me as much as this forum. And I hardly think that you were ever even close to being a challenge for the forum administrator!
I haven't been posting as much, but I often reflect on the forum, the highs and lows and immensely valuable lessons learned. Just the other day, I thought that I'm wired to be emotional, whereas the forum (wisely) values rational, logical reason -- essential attributes that can protect people from cults, magical thinking, imaginary realities and all that. I concluded that I can't help how I am and that I deeply appreciate the freedom this forum gives every poster to be themselves with so much acceptance, so little judgment and so much appreciation.
I don't know what to make of things in premiedom these days. One thing that's clear is the immense power of the human brain to rationalize some sort of face saving way to reconcile the gap between what was preached and promised and the reality of what everything corruptly dwindled into.
Yes, Connie and I escaped from the cult thanks to everyone here... and Mike Finch who just posted! And it doesn't mean we landed on a bed of roses... just the gritty, tangible feeling of living far more real and genuine lives back in the same boat with everyone else. Perhaps the biggest relief is not feeling special, better, chosen, superior or separate -- truly in good company as opposed to the "company of truth."