Being a cult member means believing that someone else has the answer. Getting out of the cult means growing up and accepting that you are responsible for your life, your thoughts, your opinions, and your decisions. It seems to me that you're still trying to find someone else with the answer, which is illustrated by you endlessly quoting scholars. By all means read this stuff (but better to read Singer), but for your own sake you need to think for yourself, so that instead of quoting others, you can actually quote your own thoughts. Sure, sometimes others will point out apparent errors in your thinking, but at least you'll have something to work on. At the moment it's very frustrating reading your posts here.