GOK, I have a different take on your post. Remembering how I was when I was still wavering, one of the things which really put me off about exes was their “negativity”. They seemed to have turned from Guru-worshippers to Guru-haters, all in one go, as if converted to a new anti-religion – without any space in between. But that was just my perception at the time.For me, the journey away from the one I considered as Master has taken a while. Eighteen months after leaving, I still felt a gap in my life. There had been unquestioning certainty before. I could now see that my certainty about Knowledge was a kind of nothingness. I could now see that my “teacher” did not actually care about me at all and that nothing he taught could be relied upon. So I was on my own.
I had given Maharaji and Knowledge the status of positive elements in my life for a very long time. In feeling the emptiness and loss when I let them go, I realised I must rely upon my own self. Indeed I would never again trust anyone with the welfare of my soul as I had trusted him.
One thing I discovered, on reflection, was that actually I always have been relying on my own self. If, as I now see, Maharaji does not possess any of the spiritual power he once overtly claimed, and if Knowledge is nothing more than a few commonplace meditation techniques, then I can give myself credit for all that I may have gained in those years. It’s my life and this was my path. I am not going to regret it.
The “things which are actually positive and beneficial in my life personally” are many. They are not obscure and mystical. They are exactly the same kind of things which everyone in the world enjoys and is thankful for: life, love, health, people, Nature, animals, words, music. And the understanding that I can generate positive vibes from within myself, whether or not there is a God - without the aid of any teacher.
The most positive thing I discovered, after leaving M & K, was that everyone and everything, henceforth, would be my teacher. It is extremely positive, in my view, to discover that I am, after all, not one of the elect few. I am not chosen, I am not better. I have no mission to tell everyone of “the way”. I am just another person making the most of his life, with the cards he has been dealt.
It is such a relief to discover that I don’t have to strive endlessly for some promised yet elusive ultimate happiness. I am just another ordinary member of the human race. I feel such a renewed brotherhood with everyone, rather than the special understanding I felt existed before, with premies.
Because I can depend on no God, no powerful earthly Father to look after things in this world, it is up to me to give love, kindness and practical assistance to all beings including myself. This is really positive. Another positive and beneficial thing is that I am not in the least tempted to join any other religion or belief system: but this does not stop me being filled with awe and wonder at being alive.
