"GOK, I have a different take on your post. Remembering how I was when I was still wavering, one of the things which really put me off about exes was their “negativity”. They seemed to have turned from Guru-worshippers to Guru-haters, all in one go, as if converted to a new anti-religion – without any space in between. But that was just my perception at the time."

Thankyou for your whole beautiful and compassionate post , Ian.

I too am newly exiting and relate closely to many of the things GOK says.At the moment I find the apparent " negativity" hard to deal with and I feel a certain sadness and emptiness which I don't feel safe enough to express on this forum.

I could never have the motivation to argue in depth, like GOK has , about who or what Prem Rawat claimed to be. My head has spun for years trying to understand his claims and contradictions. In the end I just gave up and simply went for the "experience of  nollidge".I thought he was somehow my "friend" because he said so and I had sung it so many times in "arti". I thought he was the " protector of the weary and the weak " and I convinced myself ( obediently) that that must be me.So now do I have no friend and no protector ? At the moment I cannot answer that question.

I do feel that a weight has been lifted from my back.I also had and still have an experience which I am grateful for but I don't know to whom.

Sometimes I feel quite free and euphoric and sometimes I feel sad about it all.

That's all I can say at the moment.

When I read Gok's post above, I just answered his question before reading the other posts. When I read them I thought, well ...maybe I've misunderstood everything again .