Do you remember the Maharaji Responsibilty Campaign? That open letter was written to ask M to deal honestly with the past. I think truly, it would be amazing and healing if he did. I even find reading your words healing. There is something about being "gaslighted" as a friend of mine put it regarding the Jagdeo situation, that creates really deep wounds and makes it really hard to heal a situation. When I compare how I feel, on a gut level, reading Premie Response versus your letter it says it all about the only way out M could ever have in this world. When I read Premie Response's semantics about the word God- gosh it is crazy making, it is as if he is arguing about the truth of the color blue. It is just silly. We were all there. When I read your words, I feel like a real honest person is speaking. an authentic person. Because you are validating that the issues ex-premies have are real, it feels almost hopeful. I know I had this tiny bit of hope that M might really deal with our collective past honestly at one time. I think if he were to have at some point really joined us as a fellow human, on our level, and apologized, it could have diffused so much. I am not saying that many ex premies might not have remained angry, as they have a right to be. But if I ever felt M really said, "I'm sorry" and this is what happened, and your grievances are real. I would find that healing. Just me personally. I would like that.

I cannot help but think of my own personal problems with the Jagdeo situation. If the people I told were to have remembered, and validated what happened, and supported me- I would have so much less of an issue here. Horrible pedophiles exist. I see Jagdeo as USING the premie world. I see the premie world as a victim of Jagdeo . Certainly no one wanted this to happen. He used the unwitting adults and children. But how we were, and are treated for telling our stories? It is just awful. It is like being revictimized. There is some PR thing where they talk about how well they handled it all. It is such BS! Mr. Rawat has never acknowledged publicly what happened on his watch. And I know for certain victims were treated in cruel ways by premies in positions of authority since we spoke out as adults. My trouble is being left hung out to dry with my story of reporting it twice long ago- I am the only one who remembers. So painful.

I guess I am comparing that to the big picture of the revisionist history. You are right, bridges could be built with many of us. But people would have to be honest. Like you say. Playing games pretending what we all know is true didn't happen of course is going to encite people who have left to even more bitterness.

I must be honest that I cannot see how M really can lead anything given what he is and what he has allowed to happen. I cannot see a role for him as a legitimate leader or teacher of anything. I do not see any hope of his ever doing a Krishamurti and really stepping down. I can't see any person who really looks at the reality of M's life and history respecting him. Until he deals with his past honestly ( I don't think he ever will ) how can premies?

What I can respect is the people who are left have formed a bond, common history and identity over the years that may be hard to leave behind. When you say Glen Whitaker wants to build bridges I at first find that idea very cool. But how can you start that proccess without M on board? Is your collective identity as a group of "premies" dependant still on M's permission of what it is acceptable to say and feel? Can you reach out to us and validate us without betraying him, if he still denies the past-blames the mahatmas, the premies, everyone but himself?

Peace be with you.

Susan