I still need your appology, so I can heal my broken heart further, or for good. 

Hi Henna, I could really relate to everything you wrote - cos I've been there myself a few times myself.  The thing is, I know he won't apologise.  But that's okay, because he isn't worthy of us any more.   And you really don't need to apologise to him for calling him names either!  It will do him good for a change, as the only people he surrounds himself with won't say boo to a goose, and they let him get away with atrocious and disrespectful behaviour.

We've been sincere, and he abused our trust.  It is to our credit that we were so sincere.  He was lucky to have such quality people, like us!  But I would find it hard to accept an apology from him now, because he behaves so badly in his public and private life, he just doesn't have any real standing anymore, in my eyes.  

I believe that he thinks he is the LOTU (in a self-deluded, egotistical kind of way). His ego is so big, he will compromise his self-respect, honour and integrity in order to have things his own way and abuse those around him.  To have control.  It's very sad really, and I think he needs help.  I can just imagine him going red in the face and stamping his feet in anger at that new Prem Rawat info site.  He probably screamed at some poor (stupid?) premie GET IT SHUT DOWN!   (Sorry about the caps Mods, but he was probably very angry when he said that!)

We are the lucky ones now.  We're out of it, and we've seen it for what it truly is.  He is still living in a delusional, unhappy world.   Ideally, I really don't like to think of anyone living like that.  But he is responsible for himself, his life and his actions.   And although at one time, it did matter to me, I can now quite easily live without his apology.