I would say that I am no longer a premie. And I do feel a great amount of regret for what happened with my family. I knew it was wrong at the time but I did it anyway. That was my first clue that something was wrong with my relationship with M, and others in the organization. It was in the late 80's, and not going into details, that was the first time that I saw that M and the PWK's really didn't have much compassion. But even though I knew then that it was wrong, I made the choice.
I have been reading the long list of responses to my posts saying that I think I am better, smarter, healthier etc. than everyone here, and that I am here tooting my own horn. That is not my feeling at all. All I am saying is that I made the choices that I made, and the responsibility was mine. Wherever the rest of you are on your individual journeys, you need to work that out however you choose. I see that I really have no right to comment on it, and since I can't respond to everyone individually, I'm saying I'm sorry as a general statement. However, I don't have any intention of jumping on your bandwagon and trying to bring M down. I have been going through my own healing process for many years, and feel that I am at peace with it.
As for the God question - I don't think I ever believed that he was god - I wanted to, but I don't really think that deep down I did. God and my experience with him has always been very personal, and internal and I was experiencing that long before I heard of M.