Hi Eileen,

Just barging in here, after a period away.  Your post rang familiar bells: the voice of the semi-premie...been there worn the t-shirt.  I remember for a good few years after deciding K wasn't for me, I still hung on to the idea that it was still a basically good thing, and I wouldn't hear a bad word spoken about M or his devotees.  And that was because I was (and still am, I hope) a basically good-natured, conflict-avoiding kind of person.  And I liked all my former premie friends. 

But there comes a point when you have to re-examine your own thinking processes - or it did for me.  If we look at a couple of the points you posted:

I'm saying I'm sorry as a general statement. However, I don't have any intention of jumping on your bandwagon and trying to bring M down.

Fair enough.  You won't (as I didn't) want to bring M down, unless or until you feel that need to do so.  You might also ponder for a moment how far M might have brought you down.  Believe me, it could be a useful starting point, given what you said next:

I have been going through my own healing process for many years, and feel that I am at peace with it.

Why, if the M experience hasn't been an ultimately grim experience should you, or any ex-premie need a healing process?  Healing is only required by the sick.  Are you sick?  If so, who made you so?

As for the God question - I don't think I ever believed that he was god - I wanted to, but I don't really think that deep down I did.

Deep down, I didn't ever really believe it either.  And, like you, I tried.  Why did we try?  Because he claimed to be God.  If he'd claimed to be, say, a charismatic Indian kid with bad skin and silk suits - perhaps, even the Living Perfect Charismatic Indian kid with bad skin and silk suits, we'd have taken it a bit less seriously and started laughing at the whole idiocy of the thing much sooner.  Especially once his older brother started claiming that he too, or, rather, instead of M, was the  Living Perfect Charismatic Indian kid with bad skin and silk suits.

And certainly wouldn't need healing.  Never forget that laughter is the best medicine, Eileen.

One last thing you said:

God and my experience with him has always been very personal, and internal and I was experiencing that long before I heard of M.  

And therefore nothing to do with M, surely? 

You don't know me Eileen - you could check my Journeys post - but I have been a happy atheist some two decades now, but can relate to the idea of cool, chill-out feelings, warm vibes and love, peace and nice fireside states that require no thinking, no responsibility, no praise nor blame...  

Albeit with no guru, no teacher, no method, no bullshit.  It is your own choice whether you wish to hold Marge to account for the deception and misrepresentation he has employed over the decades that has left you in need of healing and himself wanting for none of life's wee luxuries. 

Best,

Nigel