Hi Marshall.  I agree with the thrust of your post, re. 'would you tolerate a mistress?'  But I have a small problem with the suggestion to seek help from therapists etc.  Help, yes.  But therapists?  From all I've read and heard psychotherapy has no scientific nor proven therapeutic benefits and can result in exploitative, dysfunctional power relationships every bit as bad as those experienced by practicing premies.  (If this sounds OTT, try reading Geoffrey Masson's 'Against Therapy' - written by an ex-Freudian.)

To my mind, premie-spouse is doing pretty well already.  Just hanging-out here, letting off steam here, talking to exes etc.  Sooner or later her other half is likely to get curious, look-in on the site, even.  Maybe think a bit...

Or maybe he won't, but it's an approach worth trying, I reckon.  As I see it, premie-spouse has no psychological problems that need fixing (unlike her partner), just a painful set of social/emotional circumstances to deal with.  Slowly slowly catchee monkey, I say.

Best,
Nigel