By the time I moved here I was looking forward to knowing I could pick up my tools where I left them. I did not anticipate the relaxation of stress and anxiety that occurred, it was immediate - I had the best night's sleep I'd had in decades. omg. I followed up the good sleep with lying in the middle of the living room carpet and crying my eyes out, it felt like luxury to have the space to do that. It did not change how scared I was to be living alone, that took a little time but I already knew it was going to be better than the lonely I'd been.
That's ten years ago now. I spent some time limping around complaining to myself about how I couldn't cope with all the work involved in looking after myself, the plants and the animals let alone get on with a project, but now I am just impressed at how well I have adjusted and now omg omg, I have a set of pots to make for my garden - it's my homage to the earth. It's been a long trail to get here, a dream come true to model with clay that I've picked up in fistfuls straight out of the garden, not sieved, I pick out any stones as I go, not using tools, just my hands and oh this is the best bit - no finishing, just sketch like you mean it and go. It's so fast, it actually makes it a real possibility to complete it all. But I have to admit it takes a lot, I get tired quite quickly. But you know, a couple of days on the sofa works well and the puss has just learnt how to eat a mouse which is excellent. So yes, quite right. I am having a whole lot more fun just by not being with guru or ex.
Stopping being a premie did wonders for my peace of mind. No more meditating, no more sitting cross-legged (oh how I regret all the time I did that) being just the start of it.
I saw a man on the telly who lived in Queensland somewhere, lots of red dust and some kangaroos. He was friends with the vet in town but that was it, his family was the kangaroos, he went to the aid of injured kangaroos on the roadside, a lot of the ones he lived with were joeys he'd rescued out of the pouch of their dead mother.
