Reading the forum, I only get bits and pieces of of other posters' journeys. I wasn't aware that your divorce from such a deceiptful situation that made you suddenly single and self-sufficient was only ten years ago. That scene on your living room flooor is so relatable. It doesn't get much more human. Almost tragically, I remember trying to meditate my way out some of the most difficult challenges I ever faced (or, more accurately, tried to run from).

Apparenty, the sword of his knowledge and the shield of his grace didn't work-out so well for you. 

Happy New Year to you and everyone here!