I bet there must be times when her mind speaks out quite assertively, whether or not her mouth does.  In the past, when we were all so committed to surrendering, transcending, realizing Knowledge -- and all that jazz -- when it was just impossible for a sincere, practising premie to simply listen to their thoughts without a struggle, I bet she went months, maybe even years without any unrepressed thoughts or feelings about Rawat.  Now, however, my guess is that there are many times when she just plain lets herself think what an ugly, duplicitous asshole he is.  Not for long, perhaps, but long enough.  But then who really knows?