Hello Lexy and Max,

Sometimes people who consider themselves to have been in the "rank and file" category of premies don't understand that it doesn't really matter what position one has held in the cult, because the effect of being involved with Maharaji is the same if one has dedicated so many years to him, and has held the deeply engrained belief he was the Lord to you.  I kind of dislike that expression "I was only a rank and file premie."  If you spent thirty years following him, that's thirty years of your life, regardless of position in the orgs.

The only difference I can see is the degree of intensity and personal demand by being around Maharaji or high up in his organizations. Also, there may be more information held by someone who was "high up" in EV.  That is something a community premie may not have. Emotional recovery due to recently leaving Rawat is pretty much the same.  I know plenty of regular community premies who gave so much of themselves to Maharaji and never got closer to him than being in an audience and passing by him in a darshan line.

When I first started posting on this forum I was naive about the internet and gave away my real name right away.  That's an individual choice, of course.

However, these are very mean times in the world of Rawat and EV, so I also caution anyone -- especially in this tender time of having recently left him -- to take some time before deciding to giving out your real name.

That said, there is great satisfaction in finding the courage to tell it as it really is (and was) about Rawat, using one's real name.  The backlash can be hurtful, but in the long run, there's great personal strength and growth that can be found in doing so.

Best wishes,

Cynthia