Q:Why doesn't anyone who leaves ever come back?

Reporter: You are mistaken. Many people who leave Knowledge come back.

WOW!!!! That settles it!

Afterall.... I do wanna be part of the cool crowd! And I miss all that stuff about how m is the only way and that I am only alive because of his grace and I owe him.

I dream of being a simpleton that refuses to think for myself and has to make decisions and all. I beg to be turned into a non thinking, non feeling insensitive arrogant holier than anyone else 'servant' of someone so worthy that no one should ever even question his actions.

So what if he is a drunkard and cannot keep a simple commitment he made when he took his wedding vows. Most marriages end in divorce anyway! Who cares that he ran over some poor lower classed peasant on a bicycle who got in the way of his Mercedes. You all just don't understand why it was necessary for m to command his loyal devotee to take the fall for that. M had a flight to catch and you know how much of a hassle it would have been to have to go to the police station, report the crime and deal with all the red tape etc. What difference does it make if he first ignored and then forgave Jagdeo for molesting those teens, they probably asked for it and wore revealing clothing.

And really who cares ...so long as I get what I want.... ohh is that selfish of me...well screw anyone that brings that up!

I am longing to be relieved of the burdens of this life. It's just too difficult.

I am sure m will open the assrams again so I can really and truly dedicate myself. Maybe I can retreat into my own fantasy within and never have to deal with 'the world'. I mean isn't it true that the "real' devotees of the lord always sacrificed themselves for their master. Renounce the world I say! Yet ... let me make certain that m has everything the world offers!

Yes .... I will be leaving the ex world and beg to be allowed to rejoin the inspirational (wink, wink) speaker in his plans to bring.... uhh what is it again he is now propogating? ohh yeah ... a feeling inside myself. It isn't peace... nor is it happiness... it's uhh a feeling ... uhhh a sense of calm... something like peace but geesh let's not get technical.

And I need m to keep reminding me to feel that thing because afterall it isn't easy to feel something that no one is really sure what it is. But it sure is something.... and the fringe benefit of not having to be held accountable for anything I do is a big plus.

Ohh I forgot.... can you all "lend" me some money so I can travel the world, chasing those yellowed ooops golden calloused corn filled toes of his.

I can't seem to keep a job very long because that would require commitment and I will only commit to m, and now that I am over 50, there aren't many positions available for chairman of the board or some similar job for some nutty company that would pay me a good salary for not having to do anything but become a recluse and travel all the time to 'THE' events!

I promise to write posts every now n then to tell you how incredible the food is at places like Amaroo (since so many of you asked about the food) and how there are so many wonderful things going on in the world of m.