.....admitting this:

"The (unconscious) desire for invulnerability was certainly a part of my motivation stay involved in SSB. And I think it harmed my ability for human relationships and compassion, because I tended to get arrogant for people who were badly affected by maya (career, death, disease etc.). After all, they were to blame for taking maya so seriously."

I applaud your honesty and know that many premies, including myself... struggled to practice the same lack of empathy, care and compassion above all for our own selves!.The attitude was to ignore the emotional pain and to remember " holy name" and surrender to a greater and wiser power.Talk about stripping away our natural humanity.Maybe that's the reason why the LOTU himself has always been so un-caring towards the mass of his followers.......so sad.

We practiced the " thought reform" of " Arti" every day

"Anger, Desires , Attachment

 Rob us of eternal life

Take away our heavenly life......."

 All very cruel and unnatural.

( P.S. Hope you have recovered from your 'flu ....btw  "flue" is a kind of chimney       )