Do you live in the UK? Email me and let me know anthginn@yahoo.com. If you're near London we could have a pint of something or other.

It might do you good to meet up with one or two exes and have a chat.

Some of the friends I made as a premie are still friends, and I've made contact again with several ex-premies.

From what you say, I'm not sure if your problems are Rawat-related, or if there is something else going on in your life that's making you unhappy.

You say you are in shock at events going on at the moment, but you left 8 years ago. Everyone seems in a state of turmoil for a short time when they first step out of the cult, but things usually settle down after a while.

What is it, particularly at the moment, that's upset you so much?

I'm not sure what you mean when you asked how M could let you lose your friends. I don't think he had any say in it, as he's just another confused individual like you and me. He doesn't seem able to control his own life let alone anything else.

If it's loss of friends, well maybe you haven't lost them all. Lots of premies are lovely people, why not contact the ones you miss, get together and see if they're still friends. And get in touch with some ex-premies, you probably have some ex-premie friends you don't know about.

And what about making some friends who've never heard of Captain Bloody Rawat? This may require a bit of effort- joining something like an evening class (come on, didn't you ever want to learn Spanish or calligraphy?)or a pool team, or taking up fishing or something.

Sorry the reply is a bit scatty Zonk, but I've not tuned in to your real problem yet.

Take care, hang in there,

Email me if you prefer.

anth on toast