Hi Premie-Spouse!  To attempt to answer some of your questions, let me start with the fact that I was at least "officially" a premie for 21 years. 

 Were there "drips" for me?

  You bet!  But I just kept submerging them under the directive from M to "leave no room for doubt in your mind".  I got really good at just sweeping under the carpet anything about the whole enterprise that bothered me, or that just didn't seem to "fit" what was being propagated.  Sometime I'd like to attempt a list of those drips, which began fairly early, when I look back.  Some of them are listed in my "Journey" in the White Pages.

What finally made me leave this behind?

I think I just got worn down with the constant effort to keep the "bliss" happening!  It just wasn't happening that much anymore for me, try as I might to keep up the meditation practice and get to events.  I had to go all the way to Australia before I realized, this is too much!  That was the Amaroo event in April of 2001.  When the next push to be somewhere came down the pike, I siad to myself, "I just can't do this anymore!".  And I didn't.

Is there anything anyone could have said to me, when I was still completely in the cult?

No!  They did say things, and I just kept rationalizing it all away with, "they just don't understand", or "they've never had a real experience of knowledge", or whatever.

My husband of eighteen years was never a premie, although he had heard about Maharaji and even had a friend in Malaysia who was and still is one.  He had also heard, however, some very unsavory things about M and his wealth and his family troubles etc etc a long long time ago--it was in the Indian press.  My husband is from India himself.  But he was always very considerate about my need to do this, and although I knew he didnt like it, he never discouraged me from following my heart and going to events.  But I KNEW he would never in a million years become a premie himself!  (I tried, of course!).  He was always very embaressed about the scandalous behaviour of some of these Indian teachers in the West, making huge bucks off gullible people (Rajneesh, and others).  Of course, I always said, Maharaji is different.  He's the real deal, etc. True enough, there were others who were scammers.  But not him!  Hah!  Little did I know!

Did I have to eat humble pie when I finally realised I was done with this trip, and told my husband.  And do you know what?!  He never said,  "I told you so!".   He is such a sweetheart!  And I am so thankful to him for his patience during the first fifteen or so years of our marriage, while he waited for me to "see it for myself!". 

So hopefully this information helps you, Premie-Spouse.  Everyone's sitaution is different--but I would say, as others have, if your marriage is the most important thing for you, hang in there!  And build a meaningful happy life for yourself,  as well as for your partner or family, no matter what.

Cheers!

Shelagh