I have been reading this thread and your comments and responses.

I just want to say, for what it is worth, that I think it is great that you are posting here. Whatever the past, I thank you for your courage and honesty in this thread.

As for fear of the Lord, it was one of my biggest issues when I was leaving. There was that little voice in me saying: 'What if I have got it completely wrong, and he really is the Lord - then I've blown it for the next million lifetimes...'. It was scary.

I am happy to say that I can now see that voice for what it was, the residual fear of the Lord, as Joe says, past indoctrinations in my mind just re-playing like tapes.

It takes a bit of effort, though, to see through it.

Good luck anyway