Hi Danny!  Yes, it's possible I missread your point.  Thanks for responding!  Perhaps the fence-sitting idea triggered some anger in me about "not being good enough" either as a premie or an ex-p!  Silly of me really, because DO know how much I gave to Knowledge and M, how much I lost, and what the level of my integrity has been through this whole thing and coming out the other side!    Not great, or perfect, for sure!  But there isn't anyone out there who can "tell" me whether it was good enough or not : that's old conditioning from way before I even got into knowledge, and was certainly perpetuated by being a premie!  I never felt good enough as a premie!

 I admit, too, that I don't always read the previous posts carefully enough to see what the points of discussion have been.  Sorry about that.  If I post here, I will do my best to prepare better.  It's the least I can do.

It's a bit OT, I know, (but then maybe not!) but I've been reading The Da Vinci Code--and the revelations there about centuries of Christianity have been another sort of "shaking of the foundations" for me. I know it's a work of fiction, but a lot of the references are established fact, and are simply mind-boggling. This really does seem to be the age of exposure, doesn't it?  Corporate scandals, spiritual and religious scandals, and we won't even get into political stuff--altogether too disheartening when you live in the U.S.  I walked in a lovely green park near us last night and wondered what I believe, who am I now, where am I going, and there was only lovely green silence for an answer.  For now I'm settling for the silence.

Best to all,

Shelagh