Ah, this is very interesting.

I agree with Danny and then Shelagh brings up some very valid points. One thing that Shelagh is saying a hierarchal model is not acceptable in today's context.  Although, I think in the past the hierarchy or classes of premies truly did exist.

I think that there can be no doubt that if one really did listen to what Maharaji said the ashram lifestyle of total dedication and renunciation was his preference.  Like so many salesmen, Maharaji always every pitch an urgent get it now while you can type affair.  Oh, with an added or else to seal the deal.  Whereas the 'or else' is you're going to have bad karma or your going to hell.  Does anybody remember the outside backcover of one of the And It Is Divines where there was cartoon of the reincarnations of a very simple organism through fish, bugs, and up to mammals until the last box there's a little baby with a caption of "Don't Blow It Now."  Sure, Maharaji didn't come up with that, but it was his magazine and the ideas came from him.

As for myself, I didn't want to be a fence sitter either.  I bought that hardcore sales pitch and I sure as heck didn't want to blow it.  But where I was the ashram was full and was not accepting anyone else.  So, I did the best I could and I moved out of the comfy suburbs and into a premie house near the ashram.  We went to satsang every night, we did service, we got jobs and gave all our money to the housefather.  We sang arti at night at the ashram after satsang and we sang arti in the morning at the premie house.

And awhile later a pre-ashram opened up and I lived there.

While I was doing the best that I could within the circumstances to not be a fence sitter and to make the best use of my life and not blow it, I always felt 'less than' as in less than the ashram brothers and sisters.  And whenever my 'inner experience' was lacking or I had doubts I would kick myself all the more and the answer to my problems was to live in the ashram.

I remember making an appointment with David Smith, who was the ashram General Secretary at the time, and I begged him to let me into the ashram.  Again, the ashram was packed asshole to elbow and it wasn't going to happen for me.  So, my little meeting with David Smith ended as he encouraged me to remember Holy Name and we sat there together for five minutes breathing at each other.  I thought it was pretty stupid.  To me meditation was really about finding a quiet spot and going inside.  All that damn forced and audible hyperventilated breathing was a farce.

I just loved when someone wanted to make a point in a heated discussion that ends up with them telling you that you are in your mind.  And then they breathe at you.  I mean, what can you say to breathing? Although, honestly, no one EVER told me that I was in my mind.  Not once!  I was the most perfect surrendered devotee ever. (Yeah, right.)

I digress.

I think for those of us not in the first tier it was harder because of the guilt-tripping and additional burdens of self-doubt that we labored under.

And when I was all signed up to finally return to community college in Oregon and Maharaji challenged us in 1977 with the attend a program every 28 days how could I not resist the guilt-tripping?  And thus I made a decision that I really did not want to make.  What a ridiculous thing to do.  But I didn't have the strength to say no to Maharaji because of all the conditioning and doubt.

Ick!