I really appreciate your presence here. Livia and Eileen both appear to be in denial to me. They are papering over the cracks when the whole edifice needs to come down and be rebuilt. There is a brittle strength and bravado in the attitudes they have displayed here IMO and it has really made me angry at points. This "I'm alright Jack" approach may be their own coping mechanism or their own truth. But it shows little compassion and empathy for others: It's unhelpful, insensitive and more seriously it even compounds the damage in the effect it can have on others.

We all have have our own stories of why and how we got involved, what happened, how long and deeply it lasted and what it cost us in the end. 'There, there, do this and you will feel better' doesn't cut it and helps no-one. This supresses the wound - it does not heal it. We are all different and gave ourselves differently, so of course the price we paid and our pain will not be the same.

When I read your accounts I am touched deeply, Babaluji. Though our circumstances are different and we live on different parts of the planet, I feel a resonance with your story because I was involved over exactly the same period. This was not just a fleeting youthfull folly for either of us, we were serious devotees and it cost dearly. To deny that, is to deny both our histories and thereby deny ourselves the wisdom we have gained from it.

Your wisdom, openness and honesty underlines the importance of sharing our accounts here. It's not only for our own sanity and resolution, but also to give the 'heads up' to anyone else who might unwittingly get ensnared. They don't have to pay such a heavy price as they might if they are uninformed. Much credit and thanks to Hilltop too, for helping ensure that the truth about our histories is evidenced.

It's not our 'fault' that we were conned by an expert manipulator. That's what he does for a living after all and he's been very succesful at it. We were vunerable to his trick, for whatever reason - but it wasn't our fault. We didn't have the word wide web then - there was little way we could have been warned. And the story had not yet unfolded. As our former Lord used to be fond of quoting "Hindsight is 20/20" He was right about that.

I have more respect for you now Babaluji than I can ever feel again for the 'Lord' I worshipped for over 25 years. From where i am sitting, you have more integrity in your little finger than he does in his whole being.

Love yourself,

Bunny