Hi Anth,

What you said is true and I think that it's the largest myth that premies have about Maharaji and themselves.  That's how it was for me:  "Maharaji loves me the most in the world (the universe, actually) and I love him the most in the world."  I thought he loved me more than anyone else did and could, and that nobody could love me more, or care about me more than Maharaji.  What a trap.

I also think it's the biggest hurdle to jump in order to get out of that cult because by placing all of one's ('Focus on the Form'...lalala) personal and spiritual love on him, it can feel as if one is losing everything if that belief is questioned. That's the next myth. But, that was by far the most painful thing for me to come to terms with, after so many years (20!) of loving Maharaji.  My love was real and sincere and trustworthy, he never loved me at all. 

It is dehumanizating for Maharaji to allow that myth to perpetuate in anyone's mind and heart, because the fact is that it is a myth.  Down below Joe and I were talking about the song, "Teach Me Devotion," and I tried to remember all of the lyrics, but while I was typing them just I burst into tears, which really surprised me.  It didn't last long, but remembeing the song brought back to me how much of myself I had sacrificed to him.  Made me so glad I was typing the song here and not singing it in a hall to his face!

It's a lot of love to lose, and crying for the loss helps and I recommend it.

Cynthia

Teach Me Devotion

If you want to wander and roam, go on, go on