Every ex posting here can tell you the same thing: that one day the sheer dishonesty of the premie position became too much and they had to admit they'd been fooled. To achieve such self-honesty is clearly a morally courageous step, and on-going self-deception--a wilful avoidance of truth--is clearly immoral and cowardly.

Neville, not to discount the hell you went through, but what did you do that was so "honest" or "moral"? You had dreamed up over many years a picture of a man; a picture that was artificial, unreal, immature, and convenient. You used this picture to counter-balance the normal doubts that arose from trying to practice Knowledge, i.e., experiencing 30 seconds of peace for every hour you meditated, and spending the rest of your day struggling with your thoughts. The Ideal you conjured up of a "Lord" gave you "answers" to your doubts, and allowed you to carry on running with the flock. No matter how strong those doubts got, your Ideal gave you assurance that you were in with the right flock, and you'd be okay.

So one day you stumble across a bunch of stuff a bunch of people put on a web page that, if true, was a serious challenge to your Ideal. Some of the points on these pages were based on fact and some were based on hearsay. The gaps between these points were connected with theory and suspicion. The picture formed was one that was the antithesis of your Ideal. And you started to believe it. And the more you believed it, the more it eroded the picture of your Ideal -- the thing you had always banked on to keep you in the game. Once the flood-gates began to open, it was a very short walk to abandoning Knowledge, and joining another flock: the ex-premies. And now you spend your time filling the hole left by having left Knowledge with the kind of bullocks you posted to me.

So I ask again: What did you do that was so honest and moral? I'll tell you. You gave up your fantasy. Period. Well done! Thank goodness; it's about time. But I have news for you Neville. I gave up my fantasy long before most of the ex-premies posting here even got access to the www. But instead of losing my anchor, I discovered that my anchor was not an Ideal, but my experience of Knowledge. As the fantasy eroded, I could not deny the truth that had been shown to me. And when I sorted that, I rediscovered Maharaji, the human being.

And now I am left with gratitude that another human being would give so much of himself so that I could know a most amazing and precious thing. Something that has indeed set me free.

So mate, can I ask you to please spare me the lectures on morality. And if honesty is what you want, then keep looking at yourself because I dare say, you probably have a ways to go.