Hi Jane,

Absolutely!  Maharaji wanted us to surrender but it was never enough and he strung premies along, time after time after time.  One of the reasons that I moved into the ashram was because (and this shows you how much of a true-believer I was) I felt if I was living in Maharaji's ashram, at least I was putting in my all at the get-go.  I had at least surrendered the basic aspects of my life...but then even that wasn't enough for him.  He was quite cruel to ashram premies in a lot of ways and when he had ashram "satsangs" he was especially mean.

I tend to go a bit further than you do and say what EV/Rawat does it is an outright lie.  It's an insult to all of us who know better, too.  When I read that stuff,  I just want to say, "Come on EV!"  How about all those times at programs we stood up and sang Arti to his face!  It's not as if we aren't witnesses and have thousands of more witnesses!  That's why I think it's so strange that the EV premies still think that they can get away with that kind of spin.  None of us are kids anymore...

Sometimes, when premies (and ex-premies) have not had the "great opportunity" ( ) to have spent time up close to Maharaji on an extended basis, they don't realize that living around Maharaji is living in a culture of lies and lying for him.  It becomes as easy as breathing, too, and required.  That's not something that would be in a personnel file. It starts at the top too.

At DECA, the first thing I was told in my "orientation" was how to properly lie on his M's behalf and why it was important to "be able" to do it, and furthermore, do my lying with devotion.  Being a devoted premie was part of the job/service description.  How sick is that?  For me looking back it's sick and cynical.

There wasn't anything subtle about that orientation, either.  The other thing I was taught there was that breaking the law was okay. That Maharaji's World was above the real world's laws and his grace protected premies.  The devotion and surrender aspect was something that was told to me directly -- no minced words. 

I think that's one reason I come across so angry, because everytime I see another premie lying, or the entire EV organizations putting out lies, I see red.  I know that the lying in "M's world" is systematic and it's accepted and acceptable on a widespread basis.  I still get angry at myself for being so gullible as to think that it was okay to suspend my ethics for any reason for Maharaji.  And that he had the nerve to ask that of me.

I loved arti except when I was so exhausted.  It's difficult to make it through that thing entirely awake anyway. 

Bests,

Cynthia