Lesley, from what you post, I think you really are doing ok too. Look, we are gonna feel pain from our past, especially at those times when we get all nostalgic and reminisce about things, and even more especially if we live alone.
Sometimes I go through the self-pity party and get a little sad about my past and all the losses, and other times it doesn't seem to bother me at all. But in the end, it is what it is and there is sweet bugger all that we can do about anything that has already happened.
We can work with where we are now though, and we can do everything in our power to make that now a good experience for us, or at least as much of a good experience as is possible from day to day.
Sometimes I still let other people dictate too much of my life through their passive aggressive behaviour or subtle opinions, but now I am much better at picking up the clues and realising that I have to stand my ground and speak up for myself. I don't always get a good reaction when I do this, but now I don't care - I am my own first priority. Well, me and the cats of course. They actually probably come first, as I find myself fulfilling their needs before I do my own, but that's ok, they deserve it - lol.
I also have to prevent myself from caring about authority figures. Despite always having problems with authority, I still seem to have some perverted need to please or appease those figures in my life who have some kind of authority over me. But I work very hard to tell myself that if I could survive leaving the 'Lord of the Universe' then no one on this planet can have any power over me now, even psychologically. I'm not talking about people like the police or legitimate authority types, just those people whose opinion of me seems to have become more important than it should have. I don't know how I end up placing myself in these situations, but at least these days my 'ah ha' response time has gotten quicker and I can see when I have taken on the inferior role in our relationship. Once I do that I can work on restoring the balance again.
Anyway, I meant to keep this short, just to say - you're doing ok. I'm ok, you're ok. We're all ok! LOL
