You know, one thing that was kind of nice about the late seventies was a certain relief we shared (at least Paddy and I did) in that we just kind of gave up trying to merge with the word, "realize Knowledge", become God-realized, however you say it.  It was easier to back off from the fervent effort we were pushed to make in the earlier years.  Now we settled into just being devotee shlubs, kind of.  Our lives revolved not around the cosmic so much as around just being good premies. 

Of course that wasn't by any means easy.  I mean, it might have seemed easy enough but Rawat spent a lot of time explaining to us that no, things were not OK, that our minds were circling us like sharks and we had absolutely no means whatsoever to distinguish Mr. Mind from Guru Maharaj Ji within in inside (??).  We could pray, smile and hope.  Mind you, hope was a bit of a mental trick and an implicit slight on our faith and that smile?  Well with Rawat it was simple: if you had a smile, he might let you keep it.  He might pat you on the head and let you sing another treacly song to him.  However, he was just as inclined to try to wipe it off your face.  You know, a little fear-sang would do the trick, easy.  On the other hand, if you didn't have a smile (perhaps you were just recalling some of the Lord's earlier fear-sang), he'd be more than happy to make fun of you for being so mopey and serious.  Either which way, there were lessons for everyone!