Whereas I agree that the late 70s was the time when Rawat emphasised devotion, I didn't experience it as particularly dark. Maybe this is because I lived in Leeds, England; maybe it was because I was married and no longer in the ashram; and maybe it was because I actually liked, in a strange way, being yelled at, by the person I thought was the incarnation of God, to devote my life to him.

So for me, yes, I remember an increased emphasis on devotion and surrender from Rawat, but I also remember some crazy but subjectively profound times being a devotee. Could I have lived my life better? - definitely. Did Rawat lie to me? - definitely. Was it all bad? - definitely not. What would have been worse is a life where I never tried to find the 'Truth' - I don't think I would have appreciated the value of the ordinary if I had never thought all value was in the extraordinary.

Anyway, we moved to London in early 1980, and we didn't really fit in with any premie community there, and gradually work and work friends became more important on a day to day level than premies, so satsang being replaced by videos, the closing of the ashrams, the lack of publications/photos/etc., didn't have such a profound effect on me. And when 1987 came with the rejoice events and the revisionism, I just lapped it up.