or maybe things were alot different in Australia than in North America.First of all, it made a big difference if you were living in the ashram or were an initiator. There was even a popular term then for people who were decidedly not having a good time, but nevertheless were struggling along. People said they were "frying". I'm talking late 70s now. But even nightly satsang was often very intense and confronting. It was a style of many initiators and would-be ones. This was a direct reflection of the not-so-nice heavy satsangs coming out of the Malibu Master's own mouth.
Enjoying yourself wasn't really the priority in those days. I won't speak for you, but myself and many of the people I knew weren't doing ssm because it was fun. Really I don't even think that this can be considered in terms of enjoyment. Prem Rawat was the Lord. Following his directives was the purpose of our existence. At some undetermined point along the path of Knowledge was the promise of a deep awakening and experience of Truth. All or a part of these reasons were the motivation to participate in the cult. Enjoyment or fun was a fringe benefit that I believe happens in most social circumstances, but it wasn't the driving force for most of the people I knew.
I wouldn't say that I was very happy during that time either. After I left is when I really started experiencing a true sense of happiness that was directly linked to feeling free again. Sure we all smiled at each other with that slightly manic and bleary-eyed expression one sees in most cult followers. But so much of that was the power of conformity and desire to be one of the chosen, those who are blessed with the power to speak in tongues. True happiness was a friend who had made himself scarce during my years in the cult.
