Hi Paddy!  I've been considering why I haven't discussed the experience of the techniques, and I think the simple truth is that it was very different for me, at different times.  There wasn't anything consistently the same, although heavens knows it was "the knowledge experience", right? So should have been consistent.  In fact, sometimes I was just very tired and struggled through or fell alseep.  Sometimes I was gang-ho to give it a whirl, and the rest of my day was a whirl too! Sometimes it seemed like I felt a lift  later in my day, and always attributed that to the fact that I had practiced that morning!  Sometimes it was just relaxing, and nice to have a chance to just be with myself (not easy for a type-A, get up and go kind of person!).  Sometimes it felt "good" in the sense that I knew I was doing what was being asked of me, and I couldn't do more than that. You know--patting yourself on the back for being a good premie, a true devotee, etc etc.  ("One day he's going to notice me, and come and get me", and other self-deluded thinking!)  On rare occasions, it was very good--I got lost in some sort of vast and universal experience that I suppose is what many meditation techniques and teachers talk about as the goal of meditation. I always saw blue light with the light technique, and still do when I do it now, although I don't practice anything on any kind of consistent basis now.  If I want to put an interpretation on that now, I would say it's a motherly, feminine presence that is gentle and compassionate.  But even interpretation gets in the way, so I leave that alone.

 The most confusing times of practising were the ones when I came out of meditating feeling very raw and vulnerable and irritable.  As though I had been overly-sensitized to the daily goings-on in the world, and it became even more rather than less easy to deal with.  I'm sure that was reinforced by the constant debunking of "the world" by Rawat and associates, at events and so on.  "The world" IS too much sometimes, surely, for any human being! (Iraq, the tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, earthquakes, environmental issues, Bush etc.)  Hence the temptation to leave it behind, or diminish its significance to our lives.  But that can turn into dangerous avoidance of our family, work, and true obligations to ourselves, I now see.

Meditation was a way, I think, for me to simply be more aware of what was going on with me at deeper levels than the daily rush would normally allow, and that's not a bad thing.  But I'm sure any form of relaxing or meditating can do that for you, and doesn't have to be locked and chainlinked to the prisonyard of premiedom!  Even just walking in the woods or listening to some beautiful music can do this, too.

Jon Kabat Zinn has books about meditation as a medical benefit, which I'm sure it is, and I particularly liked his book, "Wherever You Go, There You Are".  So true!  It says everything in the title.  No escape from self!

Sometimes I still wish I had some sort of regular "practice" of something, just for my health and wellbeing, rather than any grand illusion of "enlightenment" or "higher consciousness" or whatever.  But the consequence of having been duped by a fake guru is that I don't trust much anymore.  This could be a good thing!  I trusted far too much, for far too long, and forgot to trust myself and my instincts.

We could all write full-length books about this topic, I bet!

Cheers,

Shelagh