"I know people who have had their children die in their arms who have expressed less anger and vitriol than people express here on a daily basis.

My sister (who is not a premie) lost a child two years ago to a drug overdose as a result of an addiction started by a person she knows.

She didn't start up a web site about it.

She didn't even write the person a rude note.

She grieved but she knew that for her sake and the sake of her family, she had to look ahead and make an effort to enjoy her life.

So that is the direction she chose and time has proven to be a great healer.

All you want to do is pick at your little wound until it becomes infected and keep picking until it consumes your whole body.

The sadness and anger expressed on this forum is a result of your choices.

If you were making the right choices you would have forgotten about Maharaji in a matter of months.

Instead you chew over stuff that's more than twenty years old as if it happened yesterday.

And very often it didn't even happen to you, but to someone you've never met.

You're like a child who falls over on a bed of feathers and then starts crying for effect and when no one takes any notice you start screaming.

And you keep screaming."

Reporter' I get the feeling you must have posted on the eight before using another name.The premies who post here often seem to have very little true personality.Your words are bland , always similar or the same and devoid of character.

I was a premie for over 30 years.Thank God I had always had moments of doubt but carried on regardless because I had already committed myself so much and given such a lot of my life, trust ,money and possessions.

I was so used to that foggy , dreamworld mindset. I believed that Maharaji protected me , helped me in my day to day life and was the source of all my life and love. I didn't give myself credit for anything...not really.I tried to be your truly mindless premie.

When I finally got to read Ex Premie Org. and let what I was seeing there begin to make sense and sink in, I was absolutely devastated....the moment I realised I had been conned, and been foolish enough to be conned for all those years....when it finally DAWNED on me...my heart broke.

I'm not stupid ,Reporter nor am I full of anger and vitriol....Actually it isn't the things listed in this thread about Maharaji/Rawat that really bothered me on it's own ( except perhaps the Jagdeo affair ).....

It's the whole damn lot all put together....the testimonies of Mischler, Donner, Dettmers and especially Mike Finch who I had known and respected and I felt wouldn't bullshit. All the missing pieces in a jig-saw puzzle that had exasperatingly never fitted together were supplied. I couldn't understand why I had been LIED to for so many years....and make no mistake we were all LIED to/ maybe that was the biggest betrayal THE LIES.

The whole business is far too much to take in all at once....the way we were conned......it's clever and it's a very big subject.

As I said , at the moment I don't feel anger.....there are many things I've still to understand. I am enjoying engaging with " the world" using my true personality in a whole hearted way instead of through the mist of Maharaji/Rawat's " drive yer insane" belief system.

Did I have an experience practising this " knowledge"?....of course I did....it's an ancient and well-known Yoga tecnique....but the experience is mine and mine alone and not the gift of an " inspirational speaker". All the love I experienced and gave , as a premie, was mine. All the service I did was my gift and not Rawat's gift to me. Everything is contorted back to front in your Cult,Reporter to the point where you have to gloss over the lack of any logic or real truth in it all by retreating into the mind numbing "experience" and in the end the "denial" of rational truth or reality could make you mad or sick or very , very depressed

Even the Amaroo hoards have the right to be proud of the things they did in sincerity, but it is truly time to grow up.

Mr Rawat has to keep up the "front" or his whole house of cards would come tumbling down. He probably, deep in his psyche has the same fear of Shri Hans and some incomprehensible "power"( strike yer down dead and send you hurtling back into the endless "miserable" cycle of rebirth/hell/maya/kaliyuga/the dark hades of mind ) that I once had in relation to Maharaji. Truth is he's just a fallible human like you or I Reporter but more severely deluded than any of us. He has no excuse now to keep on being a supposed " Perfect Master" . We had the courage to leave him and we are free. He should find the courage to tell the truth....and I'm using the word "truth" the way we all understand the word, not his version of "Truth" ( satchitanand and all that).......and to face the truth.

Personally I do feel some pity for him.....just a human being and fallible like the rest of us.... but unlike the rest of us ,born into a dynasty and trapped by it.Of course he has far more to lose than the rest of us because not because he gave more...but because of course he got more.

Reporter, surely you understand by now...for as I said, I don't think this is the first time you have posted here....that the ordinary people who post here are NOT part of a group and there is no agreed agenda or way we have to think. For the most part we live our lives quite separately from each other in various countries.We don't always agree with each other. Quite the contrary.

Please don't try to say that being a part of this cult had no harmful effects.....It affected the way I interpreted everything and made me blind to so much. I also learnt a great deal, and many good things....but those good things were often nothing to do with Rawat's satsang but simply from the varied life experiences I had with other, often lovely premies . I am still shaking myself free of the thought control and slowly feeling a depression, born of powerlessness, leave me.

I'm sad for your sister ( and indeed you) losing her son and for you a nephew....whether she was ever a premie is irrelevant........premies are not different or special and are subject to the same tragedies and pain. I'm glad to hear that she is somehow coping with her grief.....but if she had found that she needed to scream her pain from the rooftops ( as some people do) would she have been condemned by you ?

I am grateful for the help I have found here on Forum 8.I am grateful for finding the whole "scam" exposed for the sad sham that it is.I'm easing my way out of the clutches of brainwashing and confusion. I hope this forum continues to exist and "scream" and help others out of Mr Rawat's land of dreams and lies. DENIAL is a dangerous thing. Denial is the "infected wound" you talk about..... and certainly not exposing the truth.