Hi Zonk!  To answer your question, "Did anyone feel that m was talking directly to them and to no-one else?", yes! I did!  It was a strange phenomenon and not one I had expected in becoming a premie, but somehow at events, it shocked me how much his remarks seemed directed just to me!  It was a delicious secret at the time--and even though other premies talked about this too, that he seemed to know things about them too, that NO-ONE else could have known, etc etc,  I still persisted in believing he was addressing just me--at least at times.  Insane, when I think about it!   It's because I so much WANTED him to know I was there, that he saw me and knew me, and that some divine higher knowledge meant that he could do this, and on and on. And much of what he himself said perpetrated the illusion too!  It's what he wanted us to believe, to keep the game going.  The game being a very lucrative thing from his point of view. 

 All delusions!   As I see it now, I was part of a mass delusion, and certainly capable of lots of self-delusion!  It isn't that much different than falling in love with some guy (or gal!) and finding out later that they have all kinds of issues and problems and that you are just not happy and not going anywhere in that relationship.  And then the painful but necessary surgery of parting ways and getting over it.  But all absolutely vital for our continued growth and sanity!  Staying in something that you know is not good for you is the insanity!

Good luck with exploring what you are going through--and if I were you, I wouldn't look for any understanding or support from premies.  They can't, still locked inside the illusion that something really vital has happened to them, without which...etc...etc.

Take a look at some of the literature on cults, and if you feel you need support working things through, there is help out there, and plenty of people here who have been or are going through what you are going through.

I was a premie for 21 years, and have been out now for three years plus some, and doing very well.  Nowhere NEAR being a rotting vegetable!

Cheers!

Shelagh, learning that the best revenge is to be successful and happy!