Lexy, your post got through to a part of me I haven't often contacted. What hit me most was this, when you speak of: "...a realisation of the limits I gave my never to be repeated life"
and:
"once you have lost time like that you can never get it back..."
That hurts. Hurts because, unlike your thirty years of seeing Maharaji/Prem Rawat as the focus of your life, I only gave him a tenth of that.
Now, I know how I feel about my own wasted years, but what hurts more is, having got to know you, the realisation that your own pain and loss can only be so much greater. And greater to a degree I find it hard to relate to.
When I think of what it must be like I can only say:
ouch.
