I appreciate your words.  I agree with all you say but I am in deeper trouble than I ever imagine.

I left the cult and felt a sense of liberation, a "new freedom" , I was so very happy having realized he was fake, but as time went by, I began to notice that the damage inflcited in my mind is deeper than I ever realized.

I "lost" my youth to the cult and all it could have brought me if it wasn't because I came acroos the liar.  No, my heart have not healed yet and I blame the years of learning his videos while I had the service of aspirant contact.  My mind is saturated with the sh&&^ that keeps coming out.  When does it end?

I tried staying away from the forums, as somebody suggested and it does not help.

For me personally, feelings of regret simply holds me in a state of limbo.

Of course, I make my biggest effort to feel the best I can but the truth is that the cult didn't just affect me but my only kid and watching the aftermath, well, is there to be seen daily and at times it gets to be too heavy to accept.

I will attend soon a two week program focussed in cult recovery, and by the stories I heard from ex-cult members it seems to be very helpful.  I am looking foward to it. 

Thanks again.