Jonx,

One more option: Face all the doubts head-on and weigh against what you've been shown. Of course that only works commensurate with the depth that you've been.

How can you "face all the doubts head on," and still follow rawats agya? Or is that agya now out of date as well?

Speaking of depth, I think there are several ex-premies here that have expressed having very profound experiences with k. Some of them wrestled with their doubts "head on" as you say and left.

Myself, I experienced light brighter than the sun, heard celestial orchestras, tasted nectar sweeter than honey and surrendered to rawat to the best of my ability. I passed out in darshan into a deep meditative space for hours at a time. Also I HAD NO DOUBT as to his divinity. Is that deep enough for you? I did experience everything he had to offer and I concluded that it is not what I want.

What did I miss? I had the bliss, the devotion, the peace - but I found it to be based on a false platform - one full of cheet and deceit. I did everything sincerely. I did everything I could to be the best premie possible.

Why am I so much more happy as an ex?

Karen

owning her own book of matches.