If I remembered taht I wasn't meditating on Holy Name then I would start meditating I wouldn't think about how I hadn't been meditating and how much more desperete I must become to constantly meditate ...

Complicated nonetheless Paddy....especially considering we were in the "flower of our youth" and should have been having real fun...not that mind numbing nonsense !

Maybe you were the one one premie who truly understood where it was at, Paddy !....but I doubt it.