.....and I have never understood the various Rawat stages in the same way that you do.

The "Surrender" number was pretty heavily endorsed IMO when I received knowledge in 1973 ( complementing " cutting off my arm" for knowledge ).

After the " holy family " fiasco and split around 1976.....I "spaced out" for a while in the general confusion ( though never "renouncing the lord" ). When I returned to the fold, more committed than ever in 1980...everything seemed less heavy ...to me anyway.

Oh...and let us not forget...he always contradicted himself and kept us in a permanent state of confusion ( and then jokily admonished us for being confused  UGH! )