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Getting back to my original comment and your reply, you have given me much to ponder!Thank you for your compliment on taking responsibility for myself. I personally found that knowledge was a good thing for me... sure the wrappings were strange, but I am not prepared to say that I wasn't sincere nor honest in my approach to recieving K. I don't regret being initiated (from Jagdeo) and certainly don't regret living the "ashram" experience. Given the times, the social needs, the politics and the environment I was in at that time... M was where my path lead me. While I am not trying to undermine anyone else's experience of betrayal, or feelings of being mislead... my sense is that we got what we were looking for ...AT THE TIME. I know now that most of us fell for certain aspects that did honestly appeal to us individually. Perhaps for some it was the sense of being on the "right" side (my God is better than your God), for others perhaps a sense of social acceptance, or perhaps even a feeling of superiority. I mean how many didn't feel good about entering the hall.... walking down the aisle to the front and finding a "good" seat. Some of us had close encounters with M and didn't we feel good "sharing" them? Or perhaps doing "service" and telling others they couldn't walk THIS way or that way? I never allowed another premie in the ashram to impose on me his or her fears of not being spiritual. I recall always being the renegade in the house! I had a radio on always in the car... I had a tv in my room at the "Ripple", I went out with friends and many days I slept in late and didn't feel the need to answer to anyone else. Sure I was goofy at times and caught up in the "devotee" role... but that was what I saught. I, today am pretty well adjusted.... and hold no animosities for the choices I made to "dedicate" my life. Please know that I am not diminishing anyone else's experience, esp those that suffered mentally or physically at the hands of these master manipulators. I am glad for them that they have found a release for their yrs of suffering. My sense is to provide them with a hug and a warm pat on the back. But.... anger and bitterness is not the final answer. Just as one moved past the DLM/Elan Vital/ M experience ... one moves past the hurt as well. I hope this post isn't judged by my poor spelling or improper English, but accepted as my personal rant. Thats all folks!
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