Somewhere in all the convoluted rationalization and explanations there lingers a dim but unextinguishable outrage; an instinctive sense of right and wrong and justice that is never mollified by all the bullshit.For some, it takes personal injury; perhaps for other it takes nothing more than a ponderous sense of fatigue and boredom. If not happy anyway, why not take a closer look at the great satan: EPO? Then all of a sudden, a new sensation: Thrill! Better than somnelence and humiliation! And its off to the races.
One thing is though, that thrill doesn't last. Maybe the next thrill would be undoing one's apostacy, and tearfully begging to be let back in the Kingdom. Yuck, what a sick thought - and then, a new apostacy all over again! It could become a really twisted cycle, but of course unthinkable. What I started out remarking on in terms of the exhilaration of calling a rotten fraud a rotten fraud, is that the process of rebuilding one's life outside of the cult is really hard work - laden with depression, sadness, and rage. This man is really the most despicable kind of thief. He trades in the currency human lives, and uses them as casually as you or I might use a Q-tip or a washcloth. But premies who may be reconsidering their allegiance should be warned - it is harder to be truly free. Think about someone like Patrick - their dissillusionment would be tantamount to terminal mental collapse. I wonder if they could psychologically survive it?
