I was in the cult from 1973 until early 1998.  A Long Beach, CA (very near Los Angeles) was my last program and I felt a lot you describe.  It just didn't feel right anymore.

It's interesting how you used control or controlling three times.  Well, I think the word very well describes programs with Maharaji.

I think one of my reasons for leaving the cult was because friends were pressuring me to go to the next Amaroo and I really didn't want to go.  I don't know how much the round trip ticket and fees and everything would cost, but I was thinking anywhere from $3000 to $5000.  And because I gave up much of my life earlier to Maharaji and had neglected taking good care of myself my career and financial situation was not that good where I was usually hovering around zero.  But at that point in time I had actually saved up some money.  And it came down to wanting to take care of myself instead of doing that stupid quit your job and run off to every program kinda thing that always made me very miserable when I returned home because my life was a disaster because of the whole guru cult thing.

Also, I realized that there was no way I wanted to be fenced in and heavily monitored by being stuck in Amaroo.  There's just no way that I would be able to tolerate all that culty behavior.  Ick!!!

Anyhow, Kerry, that was a real solid post that really struck a chord in me.  I can't imagine what it would be like to go to a program now whereas in the past programs were second nature and I knew all the ins and outs.