True, I left the cult in March, 1983.  That's when I moved out of the ashram and into my own apartment.  I felt so burned that I didn't want anything to do with premies, nor them with me, since I was somewhat vocal in my criticisms of Mr. Rawat.  I did go to a couple of "events" after that, mostly out of curiosity, but I no longer believed Rawat was any kind of "master" at that point.  About the only person who remained a premie that I still hung out with was Richie Azzarone.  I have to say, he was about the only person who seemed to put friendship above the cult.  We agreed not to talk about the cult anymore, and that was fine with me.  But I really admire Richie for that.  It actually meant a lot to me at the time, because when you leave a cult you are pretty isolated for awhile.

At that point, let's face it, the premies were fried.  DECA collapsed into this "business," the ashrams looked like refugee camps, and Rawat had pretty much soaked both the physical and financial capabilities of all of them.  At least this was true in North America.  Everybody I knew was just kind of surviving as premies, and Rawat seemed burned out, too.

Anyhow, from what I gather, around that time Rawat actually wanted to quit being PERFECT MASTER OF OUR TIME.  I guess he did go through a lot of reflection on that.  Then, I am told, that Rawat didn't do any programs and later started having these "dinners," or "parties" and I guess Rawat smoked in front of the premies, and they drank alcohol and ate meat.  He seemed to be trying to change the way the premies related to him, and he to them.  I know a couple of people who are still premies who think that was the WEIRDEST period in the whole history of the cult.  Like most premies, they WANT him to be God, and many of them hate it if he starts to act like just another guy who is also some kind of meditation instructor.

Then, around 1988, Rawat did these "REJOICE" events and actually started talking about meditation and knowledge again.  I guess some people came back then.  Not me, however.

Rawat has never been able to maintain any kind of campaign to change his image from that of supreme being for very long.  He tried it in 1976 ("Humanitarian Leader" -- even suspended the feet-kissing ceremony for awhile) and again in the mid-80s with those "parties," but he seems always to revert back to giving darshan, and instituting ARTI, and dancing and being worshipped.  Again, I think this is partly because he has a psychological need to be worshipped and can't go to long without it.  Also, once the premies start to see him as something other than the SUPERIOR POWER IN PERSON, many of them tend to split, along with their financial support.  This happened in 1976, and I think it happend again in the 80s.

But Rawat always reverts to being God, because it always works with the premies who are the holdovers from the 70s. They are just into it, because it reinforces what they believe.  They love it.  It's fun, to a certain extent.  That's what makes "events" so high for people who believe that, because they believe he's really something supernatural.  It's more than being with a rockstar, because they believe Rawat is so powerful, that he actually knows them personally, and loves them.  It's a wonderful fairy tale, for sure.  And, I think on some level, it's what Rawat believes, too, or at least would like to believe.

It's just part of the pattern of his extremely werid life, at least in the West.  I think it's more that just the money.  I think he has a deep psychological problem -- a need to be worshipped and I don't think he's known anything else in his life.  How could he possibly be an ordinary person when he has never experienced that in his life?

So, because of that need, he will do things that completely undermine his stated mission -- like have people kiss his feet, have them sing arti, have them go ape-shit when he dances around, and the rest, while at the same time, claiming to be a "motivational speaker," who is just giving people the opportunity to experience peace.   He has this schizophrenic image that he tries to keep separated, but can't, partly because there are people who know about it, who aren't in on the deal to keep it secret from the public.

He tries to hide all that devotional stuff  in places like Amaroo, but it appears he is now doing the wobble dance again, even in Los Angeles, if I understand what happened this past weekend correctly. It's a recurring pattern with him.  Very predictable, actually.