It's interesting you can't or won't see that other people (other than you on behalf of M.) have valid views and more importanly, feelings! What does that say about your current state of mind? (Are you one person, or maybe a bunch of devoted premies delegated to stirring up the ex's?)Using our minds to perceive our minds, is of course fraught with danger - we either see through eyes of love or fear, there's no such thing as 'objectivity' in my opinion. But there is such a thing as basic human respect. Without it, cruelty and abuse inevitably follow. Whether it's words or actions, is that kind of behaviour really reflecting your 'superior' understanding of life/Truth/love? Do you think 'the end justifies the means?' If you think disrespecting any other views is normal, healthy or acceptable, where has that belief come from? Have you picked it up or inferred it from Maharaji's speeches? There are basic standards of civilised and intelligent interaction which we let fall at our peril. The 'I'm right, you're wrong, na na na na na' playground kind of mentality is juvenile and pointless, whatever position you're defending - ex-premie, premie, or even (shock) non-premie! We're all human beings sharing the same earth, and we need to learn to get on together pretty soon, in my opinion! (By the way, if someone, such as Maharaji, has the 'Truth' to give, wouldn't that Truth have the inherent power to effortlessly defeat the lies of non-believers; why would such a person need the kind of championing work you're doing?) Do you do this posting work as service, and if so, is it official or unofficial? Just interested in why you're here, really! I suppose it's possible you're not a premie/devotee at all, and this is just a hobby, getting ex-premies worked up!
Maybe you're under extreme stress - the stress of believing something part of you just knows, instinctively, is untrue; otherwise, why would you be here defending M? If you were a hundred percent sure of him, you wouldn't be bothered with this board at all. You could be stressed because you have decided to believe you've received a 'secret' knowledge which separates you from your family and old friends; that's subtly destructive itself. Or maybe the stress comes from trying to believe in someone you don't really know, never talked to or seen anywhere except on a stage. How well do you know Maharaji - the Maharaji that even he admits is 'not very nice' away from the stage? That would be interesting to know. I followed Maharaji for 25 years, went to satsangs/events, did service, but never got to speak to him, or have him answer any of my questions. That's one of the reasons I left, in fact. He used to say how essential it was to have a living master, but he wasn't accessible to most ordinary premies!! Then he started making those videos and we had to sit in expensive hotel rooms and watch him speaking from the comfort of his large Malibu mansion. Not inspiring!
How about doing a little honest observation. Do you actually feel happy and at peace a) right now? b) most of the time, c) all the time - or do you feel d). a bit tense, like you're trying hard to please your teacher/master, practice knowledge properly, but somehow it's never quite enough? I felt d) for many years without realising it. As Maharaji's message about devotion and knowledge changed over the years, I started to lose my faith in him as someone who knew what he was doing. I started listening to my own conscience, my own feelings, and noticed they were very different to what I'd believed they were! Do you ever feel he/the organisation just makes endless demands on your time and money? After I left, I kept getting calls from people I didn't know inviting me to special programmes where the message was always - give more money! I know knowledge is given 'free' but there are plenty of pressures to donate along the way - I even gave money to his first Lear jet! At the time I was happy to do that, I felt I was contributing to something worthwhile. Now I see I was just neglecting my own life, putting it on hold while I believed somehow M knew something I didn't. I did think he'd got some great plan that would make people sit up and recognise him as a divine, or at least wise person. After twenty five years, I gave up!
Don't worry, you're not alone. We're all here for you, remembering feeling the same pain and disappointment, anger, betrayal, and the shock of realising we're going to have to start thinking for ourselves again - and find some other framework for our lives to give them meaning. It's actually wonderful once you've accepted you were wrong about M. That's the hard bit, and I can understand why you're fighting so hard to defend him. But it looks scarier than it really is, and you'll probably notice an immediate surge of relief when you've done it. Don't waste too much more of your time defending someone you don't know. There are lots of really meaningful causes, and methods of attaining self-knowledge, you'll find genuinely rewarding. It's o.k. You're going to be fine!
