Dear Mary,

You sound good.  Cherish your doubts, Mary, because you deserve to have them, finally.  I think that entertaining doubts in your mind does take some practice after so many years of blocking them out Rawat-style.  It feels foreign to place ourselves first in life.  It's a normal way to live and Maharaji never teaches anyone how to think or doubt or love. 

Thinking and doubting and loving doesn't have to be a guilty pleasure anymore, because it's the way we humans are supposed to behave.  Prem Rawat has interrupted the lives of so many people by placing himself in a position of the ultimate power -- as the only one in the world who knows anything about people.  We looked to him as the source of wisdom but he failed (to say the least).  Prem Rawat doesn't know anything about human behavior and proof of that is how he himself behaves towards others.  Another way to look at it is the way he treats himself, too.  Not exactly a role model!  The betrayal is horrible, but the bondage was worse.

No more lila!!! 

Be well, 

Cynthia