I joined in 1973 and left in 2000. Back then it was enough for me to read the old satsangs that are on EPO and go wtf, things have changed so much since the early days - immediately I realised Maharaji was a faker and he had been leading us down the garden path.
Now it's 23 years on from then and it's a lifetime isn't it. Your sincerity and belief in him isn't fake.
But what happens as reality seeps in through the cracks, when the belief that Prem Rawat is a special person for you takes in a wider view of the 'Holy' Rawat family where since leaving the cult his older brothers have done better than him and it's their turn to rub his nose in it.
Believing in Maharaji is a big belief.
As Aquinas said, it is your own body responses. Yes, of course you don't walk round feeling the same way as you do in an event - that is the amplification of being in a mob, simple as that. Guru Maharaj Ji and those Indian Mahatmas promised big but all they really delivered was some rebranded yoga techniques.
As John said, it's about the truth.
I dunno how to put it or really quite understand it but I do know so many people corroborate my experience that I don't want to live a lie, even unwittingly - however painful and shocking it is a relief to lose it - better out than in as they say.
